Saurian Saint

Tricks for Getting your Violin On a Plane by ondinebue

Are you like me? Do you constantly get told by snippety airline employees: “Ma’am, you’ll have to check that”. Yes? Well here are a few ways to get around the tribulations of Travel With Violin Case.

It is of utmost importance to have a case with backpack straps. If you are a rather tall and unthin* person like me, you should be able to hide it easily by having the violin down your back so no one sees it. 

Be sure to have your straps lengthened so the case is below your shoulders!

 If you are small and/or slender, try to wear a bulky kind of outfit, so it goes unnoticed

In either case, be sure to keep your eyes and front turned towards the employee at all times – never show them your back, or side

and smile heaps!!!

. You will find that the ticket taker will turn her or his attention towards the next passenger quickly. As soon as this happens, turn, and stride meaningfully (don’t run) down the gangplank - You’re nearly there!

Now, as you enter the cabin, the flight attendant will look at your ticket again (ostensibly because you are too stupid to be on the correct flight). Same as before! Smile! Ask her how she is!.

Turn at the last minute and walk as fast as possible down the aisle. If she says something, pretend you don’t hear and keep going. Other passengers will come in behind, and hide you from view. This should get you to your seat! (Ideally, you will have pre-boarded -but more on that later). If you are first to your row, put your violin in the overhead and plop down. Anything else – under the seat – don’t make trouble by shoving a big coat up there or similar.

Normally from here on in it’s smooth sailing – but sometimes you get an irate passenger who wants to stow his giant overstuffed rollaboard above (this happens more and more, as airlines are charging for baggage). He might huff and puff, complain and swear, and then you should explain to him that if he puts his rollaboard sideways, it will fit. If there are two of them, they will both fit sideways, with your violin in the back. If they continue complaining, you can sweetly point out that each overhead compartment fits three rollerboards wheels first, and yours fits a violin and two rollaboards sideways (please see excellently drawn diagram), so, what is the (optional expletive here - although it won’t help you, it does feel cathartic) difference?

(I don’t recommend asking, in a very loud voice, if the passengers failed at building blocks in kindergarten, or have ever heard of tessellation. Trust me). 

A lot of this hinges on pre-boarding. So, how do you pre-board?

Good question. The easiest is: fly piles and upgrade yourself a lot. Another is: fly piles and have a gold airline card that allows you to pre-board. I realize these are not everyone’s options. If you haven’t either, always book yourself near the back of the plane – almost every airline boards from the rear, and even if you’re boarding a little late for the rear, you can , as a last resort, stick your fiddle in an emptier, more frontwards compartment as you pass…..but that’s kind of a drippy thing to do, so try to spy out what you’re in for up ahead – above you is always best.

In a small plane – they make everyone gate-check their rollaboards – don’t worry – if it’s a Dash-8 or bigger, your fiddle will fit! Plus, you have no competition – just don’t let them see it, and you’ll be fine.

Seaplanes don’t go above the danger zone, and the hold is in the cabin with you – ask them to be real gentle and they will, in Western Canada anyway….

Nearly Worst Case Scenario
(I have actually done this a lot). If it is on an airline that you; don’t often fly/ think plane might be small or full/ you really have got to get there; do the broken leg.  Go to the gate, and tell them that you’ve recently had your cast removed, and you don’t need a wheelchair ‘anymore’, but you need a little extra time to board. Be sure to limp (always the same leg, mind!), and try to look a little bit world weary, tired and sad.

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In this case, do not forget the above advice – never turn your back! They’ll even try to wrench a violin off someone with a nearly broken leg.
{This works best on inter-USA flights)*.

Another Nearly Worst Case:
 They might come around the lounge and look for large items and try to force you to gate-check your instrument. Explain a little – if they get nasty, don’t fuss! – but as you are going down the gangway, simply tear the tag off before you come to the gate check bag collector, and voila! You and precious fiddle get on the plane.

Super Incredibly Worst Case Scenario (if there is truly no overhead space).
Stand up at the front of the plane, declaim who you are, what you do, and explain the value of what you have with you (if it’s less than a million, say it’s a million) (if it’s a violin made last year, say it ain’t – pick a year between 1690 and 1820 – Italy is a good default country of origin) and that you cannot take this flight if your violin is not in the overhead for insurance reasons . Explain that it’ll probably be a extra hour or two delay as they locate your suitcase to remove it from the plane (say this if you have checked bags OR NOT! Most airlines don’t bother, but it is a security issue so they can’t gainsay you). Ask passengers if any amongst them might deign to gate-check a suitcase, so the plane will take off as scheduled. This works EVERY TIME!!!….. but it’s really a last resort because it makes you feel like a complete schmuck. (I’ve done it three times – all with late connecting flights where I was the last one on).

Still, no matter where or when your instrument is from – it’s far more valuable than those other folks’ clothes and deodorant and toothbrush. Don’t be ashamed – be forceful….and resourceful! And polite, till you fight. And when you fight, make sense. Tears are not good (yes, crap! gah!  I’ve done that too…), but what really works is logic.

Good luck! And try to avoid US Airways, Delta, Southwest, and SAS.

If you can’t, try these ideas!! and be economical. Never pull out the worst case scenario unless you have exhausted every other means.

Lara,  2011

* –  I have coined that.

* – I don’t know why, but travelling within the USA with a violin is more nightmarish than other countries. However, they feel sorry for you and your leg much more easily than elsewhere. I guess that makes it even.

Special thanks to Eduard Laurel and Mara Gerety for their invaluable assistance and participation in the instructive photography.

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